Goodbye Dennis

Dennis Allen Shull

July 1, 1950 - September 9, 2010

We were gathered in the living room getting ready for family prayer, when Jason got a call from his younger brother, Sam. We could tell from his expression that something was wrong. We all sat quietly trying to understand the pain in his voice, and wondering who it involved. Even Ashlyn felt the sadness and stood quietly, watching her dad until he hung up the phone.

"Dennis has cancer. They said he may only have six weeks..." he said quietly. I immediately thought of Sam. I couldn't imagine losing both your mom and dad to such an awful disease just a few years apart.

I saw the tears begin to fall from Jason's eyes and before I had a chance to get to him, he was surrounded by the kids, all trying to hug him at the same time. Surrounded in the cocoon of their love, he let his guard down and let the emotions flow. My heart took a picture and I felt so blessed to have the family that I do.

As we gathered around Jason, he explained to the kids that Dennis was his step dad, just like he is to them. Dennis was part of his daily life from the time he was 8 years old until after he graduated from high school. Austin and Jessica's eyes welled up with tears as they expressed that they didn't know what they would do if something ever happened to Jason. Jason went on to tell them how he owes a lot of who is is today to Dennis. Dennis taught Jason how to be a hard worker. He didn't always like Dennis for it, but he appreciates it so much now. He told them about how hard Dennis worked to provide for their family. Dennis always told Jason that he was "better than this" and how important it was for him to go to college and get an education. We listened as Jason recalled memories from his childhood.

I had only met Dennis a few times, but my respect for him grew as I recognized how he helped shape Jason into who he is today.

Being a parent isn't easy and we don't always do it all right. It made me wonder what my kids will remember about me and what lessons will they take with them.

Having been down this road with Ronna, we knew we needed to go see him sooner than later. We jumped in the car that weekend and went to visit Dennis. Dennis with his granddaughter Lily (Sam and Mindy's baby)Jason sitting by Dennis' bed reminiscing about old times

I was touched and I guess a little surprised by the pictures around the room. Dennis had never remarried after he and Ronna were divorced. Their family pictures still hung on the walls. There was a framed picture of Ashlyn's birth announcement that Ronna had sent him sitting on the coffee table. This was still his family. I felt bad for not being better about keeping in touch. The yearly Christmas card seemed a little weak when you realize how short life is.

Just a few days later we got the call that Dennis had passed away.

Jason posted this on his facebook status:

"For those of you that knew him, my step dad Dennis passed away today from Liver Cancer.
I just found out last Thursday that he was sick. He didn't tell anyone and didn't want anyone to know. Danale, Sam, and I went up with our families last Sunday to visit him. We looked at pictures, talked about mom and told stories about "the good old days".

He was a good man who worked hard his entire life (he received his first retirement check two weeks before he died after working at Wonder Bakery for over 35 years). He gave all that he had to support our family. "Thank you" doesn't seem to adequately convey my gratitude to him for making the sacrifices he did. I love you Dennis, and say "Hi" to Mom for me and tell her that we miss her.

The funeral was a few days later.

I was so impressed by the men in Jason's life who showed up to pay their respects. Danny, Jason's dad, was there. He lingered as he placed his flower on Dennis' coffin, putting his hand on it for a moment. I could feel the emotion and the respect as if he could appreciate all that Dennis did in helping him raise his children.

Stephen came with Skyler. Stephen and Ronna were married after Jason came home from his mission and Sam was just entering into his early teenage years. I imagine Stephen came to pay respect to Sam's dad, be a support to all of his step children, and be there to represent Ronna. I don't know why for sure, but the maturity and example of these men impressed me and I'm grateful to have them in my life.

Ronna's mom, sister Linda, and brother Ode were all there along with Danny's brother Kirk. It was nice to see so many family members.

Dennis was buried just a few plots away from Ronna and just down the way from Ronna's dad. I really miss Ronna. Seeing her grand kids smelling the flowers at her grave site gave me such mixed emotions. I could feel the joy she would have just seeing them and it made me so sad at the same time that she can't be here and be part of their lives growing up. I feel sad for them that they won't know her in this life. Sometimes I imagine her laughter as I watch Ashlyn doing something that I think is adorable. I know she would enjoy the little things as much as me.

Before I got pregnant, I had a dream that wasn't very clear. They never really are. But in it, Ronna was holding a baby in heaven. I like to think she is up there with our little one and Danale's baby that is due next month. I imagine her "lovin' them up" as she used to say, and taking care of them until they come here to be with us.

Ashlyn and Colton by Grandma Ronna's headstone.

Danale looking fabulous!

(and still sassy!)